I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
