Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
