You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
