I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
