So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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