a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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