Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
this just has baby written all over it
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
