Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
