I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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