I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
