why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
