It's like God shit irony all over that family
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
