Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
