I am in a vortex of obligation.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
