So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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