What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
