I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
