Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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