Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
high people should be assigned attendants
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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