I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
