Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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