Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
