wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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