she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
