...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
