i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
