two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
