Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
