Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
