My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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