"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
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