operation have a gay friend backfired
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
