my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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