o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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