can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
