I am spending my child support on dildos
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
