I just threw up on my dentist
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
