Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
