You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
