I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
