He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
