He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
