I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
