What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
