Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
