He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
