There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
