Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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