I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
