He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
