A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
