What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
