Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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